What old "stories" have been engraved in your heart but are no longer serving you? How do you plan on changing them or embracing the opposite?
I had to take several deep breaths before tackling these questions because my biggest challenge by far has been learning to lean on my husband for both emotional and financial support while building my business. Sounds like this should have been relatively simple right? We're partners and I should be able to just let go and joyfully continue on with expanding my business.
Of course I created all kinds of drama around my definition of support. If you are married or in partnership with someone who is not an entrepreneur it can be tremendously difficult to articulate what's it's like to operate a small business on your own. Instead of hearing the words "I love you and believe in you", I'd watch for any facial change or body movement that would betray this loving attitude. What made things even more challenging was the fact that I am an introvert and my husband is very extroverted. He often felt like I was "not telling him everything" when I was actually just in the mode of constantly mulling different things over. I shared once I completed this process. Takes time dear!
So we argued a lot in the beginning.
My husband would ask a simple, truly innocent question and I'd immediately be in attack mode. I'm not proud of that. My negative reaction was my ego sensing danger and creating false drama to validate the "danger". This is an exhausting way to live.
One day I finally realized that my biggest enemy was my own self-doubt coupled with my refusal to let go of my old story of having to be independent. All. The. Time.
Instead of questioning my husband's motive for every question he asked, I started asking myself a series of questions:
What if my husband is really only asking about such and such?
What if there was no hidden, double meaning?
And then finally this pivotal question:
What would happen if I just let go and really let him take care of me while I work on my business?
Little by little, I let go. Once I honestly was able to answer this question and saw what was real and what was my own projection, I felt free. To get here, I had to be willing to be truthful with myself and with anyone who asked the question: "how's it going?" The old me would automatically say "oh, fine... thanks for asking!"- even when things weren't. I'm much more open now because I've learned that articulating my true feelings don't make me weak or less than. If anything, they make me much more relatable.
Getting real with myself helped free me from my old thoughts and self-doubt and as a bonus I became hundred times more grateful to actually see all the support in my life.
Letting go meant relinquishing the old stories I had about tying my income level to my self-worth, to my value.
Letting go was not easy. Not for this girl. I'm stubborn and at times, very prideful. I had to slowly test my attachments with small things, each and every day until I became more comfortable.
Those old stories are comfortable because we grow to rely on them to reinforce our perceived reality.
Today I am learning to channel my fierce independence into creating a successful business that helps others see the old stories that no longer serve them. Old stories keep us blocked and blind to the real gems that we each have. I help entrepreneurs and people with careers unearth their gems.
What I can say for sure, is that my life has become so much more open to receiving: love, money, support- you name it. Holding on to old stories constricts the flow of abundance. Easing out of attachment strengthens the flow.
If you are looking to change the stories that are no longer serving you, you may be interested in a new program that I am creating.
Christian Marie Herron
Founder, The Introvert Ideal LLC